Books tell you one thing, friends tell you another. So should you worry if you're not constantly poised to set the sheets alight with passion?
1.There's no such thing as 2.8 times per week.
No married couple makes love every night.If someone tells you they never go to sleep without doing "it" first, they're probably lying - or, intercourse is probably not fully satisfactory. Even close girlfriends often don't come clean about how many times a week they actually make love with their husbands. There's always a secret fear that everyone else is doing it more than you. However, there's no rule that says you have to have sex all the time. Sure, it's important in a relationship, but it's not everything. There's a natural ebb and flow to any couple's sexual rhythm and on high days you may find it nightly joy while, in between, there may be weeks where it doesn't happen.
2.Holidays aren't automatically second honeymoons
You and your spouse deserve quality time, but it isn't just about sex. Don't assume you're going to fall into bed for 48-hour orgy the minute you hit the hotel room, because you're both probably going to be far too tired. Family pressures can drive much more of wedge between you then you actually realise - and when the path is clear, taking that step towards each other can be tricky. So take it slowly.
3.Your body may be saying 'stop' even though your mind says 'go, go, go!'.
Sometimes you want sex, but something just doesn't gel. Your spouse caresses your body and instead of tingling with anticipation, it bristles with irritation. Even with his best efforts, you remain as dry as a prune. The truth is, in many women, their "Va-jay-jay" is not an ever welling spring and it can need a helping hand on occasion. One way is to distract your mind. Concentrate on the sensations you are enjoying and the sexual excitement you do feel. If necessary, remove your partner from the "problem" area and ask him to stroke your back or legs instead. Don't feel guilty - it's OK to take pleasure.
4.Sometimes It's difficult to keep your mind on job
It's often very hard to close everything off to concentrate on sexual enjoyment. Many women say they can only get so far before their minds start to drift, and, if they think about sex at all, they're doing also as a spectator. Luckily there are techniques to stop these instructive though. They're similar to the help given to flight phobics. Every time you feel your mind starting to wander, say "STOP" to yourself - preferably not out loud - and focus on your breathing and the physical sensations instead.
5.Children are highly effective means of contraception
Babies are wonderful, but they often lack the ability to discriminate between day and night. Admittedly, they do sleep sometimes, but then so do you. And it's hard to keep your mind on the joys of the flesh when both ears are pinned back awaiting the first wail of the night. The good news is that once through the baby stage, children do sleep more, but most of them do demand access to your bedroom at any hour of the night. The sensible thing to do is put a discreet lock on your bedroom door so that when the mood takes you, you can gently close it - which is fine if you aren't put off by cries of "but" what are you doing and why can't I come in?"6.Sometimes, oldies are often Goldie's
You may read about adventurous ideas for sizzling up the bedroom by sex perts, but sometimes they don't always work in practice. Says Jasmine, 32, "I read somewhere that putting yogurt on my man's private would turn the heat on - but the only thing it did was to turn hot, sour and rancid!" In terms of turns on, the oldies are often Goldie's. You may think suspenders and black stockings are predictable, but as long as you enjoy it, you can bet that you'll get a rise out of your man. Also, more often than not, blindfolding is a sure-winner.
7.Trying a new way doesn't mean the old way was wrong
Suggesting a change in your sex life can be threatening. So even if your partner's technique resembles that of a pinball player - a tweak and a proud before he expects the goodies - it's probably not a good idea to put it to him that way. Anyway, if you do have a "sex by numbers" routine, don't forget, you are partly to blame because you've been lying there letting it happen. Women can take the initiative, either to start our change the pattern of sex. Experimentation is healthy and, once you can bring yourself to view sex as a form of adult play, it gets much easier to take risks. You might want to settle for moving his hand a little to the right and saying, "Mmmm, that feels good" or telling him it's his turn to lie still while you massage him with baby oil. Bring him to the edge of climax, then tell him he has to wait. You'll blow his mind and give him new ideas to tantalize you.
8.When you want it, he won't - and vice versa
Sex isn't duty. You should never feel obliged to do it, but there are times when a little effort and spot of compromise will turn a "headache" night into an "OK", why not?". For a start, sex doesn't have to be a three-course meal. The two-hour marathon is fine, even fantastic, for the occasional blowout, but most will agree they can also take pleasure in simpler things. secondly sex doesn't always have to mean an orgasm. But if one of you wants one and the other doesn't, what's the harm in a cuddle or the "touch of a hand" instead? All it needs is a slight shift in perception to see intercourse as just another type of cuddle. If you know you aren't expected - and you can't always have the energy - to strive for an orgasm, sex can still be pleasurable. plus, a spot of artificial lubrication can smooth-en the way. Remember - sex isn't an exam. If you both get what you want, then what's the problem?
9.Fantasy refreshes the parts that real men may not reach
It may not be something we confess over coffee, but most women do indulge in fantasies. Sharon, 34, shares, "Although I'm happily married and love my husband, I always have at least one fantasy figure on the go'." The men who unwittingly co-star in her sometimes steamy mental dramas are people she finds attractive and usually knows quite well - but she assures that she would never make a move on them. The big question is whether or not to share the fantasy with your partner. Confessing your secret turn-on could give a flagging love life a boost. But fantasy, like sex, is a two-way thing - so if you can't listen to his without feeling jealous, then perhaps you shouldn't try it at all.
10.Superwoman is a cartoon character, not you!
At the end of the day, no one can do everything, be everywhere - and be sexy at the same time! When you're feeling tired or having a bad day, don't knock yourself out having a bad day, don't knock yourself out trying to perfect wife; give yourself a break - and admit you're only human. Your husband will understand that even a sexy goddess like you needs some time off!
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